Dear Buyer

So, our house has been on the market for like 7 weeks now to the day actually, we have had 4 Open Houses, over 10 showings and umpteen emails to my realtor or client care specialist, and we have had one second visit, no conditional offers, no offers period. Being half way through I am beginning to get discouraged, so I thought I would post suggestions to future buyers (maybe not of my house, but of any house).

1) If you want a garage and will not buy a house without a garage - look at the listing! It says whether there is a garage or not, our house does not have one....

2) If you are looking for a mansion, look on the listing, my listing for example says 4 bedrooms, which means, if you require more then 4 bedrooms, do not visit..... and you will not find a mansion in Perth, totally renovated, for $244,900 - news flash!

3) If you have small children and will not buy a house with a pool because you are worried about them drowning then you likely will not buy a house directly on WATERFRONT! Just a guess!

4) A basement is a basement, it is gross, cold, dirt, cobwebs, it is 4 feet high, we have put a dehumidifier down there to keep it from being damp, but it is still a basement in an old house, there is nothing wrong with that, it has held the house up for over 100 years, I am sure now that it has been dug up and insulation pumped on it, it will stay up for a few more - if you don't want an old basement, don't buy an old house!

5) We still live in our house, although we did put a sign on the front lawn inviting you in, it is still our house, so you should us the same manners you would if you were a guest in my house, and stop looking in my fridge..... the house is not staged, there is food in there, it is perishable, in fact it often does perish before I get around to eating it..... mystery solved!

6) There has not yet been a viewing when I waked into our house after and did not know someone else had been there - a closet door open, a basement door open, a light left on or turned off, my shower curtain moved, something, a kitten hiding under the bed because clearly you brought kids, which is fine ..... but if you have small children accompany you, and they have been eating messy food, please keep their hands off my furniture and walls..... it leaves the house in the same perfect, fish-bowl condition it was in before you came.

I promise to remember these points when I am looking to buy, promise! This sounds like I am complaining, which I am trying not too, it is meant to sound light-hearted and funny..... I'll write again soon so this one isn't up long! It will be funnier!

xo,
S